oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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