Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
