how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
