he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am available for nakedness
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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