thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
