if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
