Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
