No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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