I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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