I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
