The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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