Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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