Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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