my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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