She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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