Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
