69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.