So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth