So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.