it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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