9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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