Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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