we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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