she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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