would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
