That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
