My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
