Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
