I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
