about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
