what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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