Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
