getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
