i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
