Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
