I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
