Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
