Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pants are for mortals
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
