Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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