Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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