Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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