Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
