Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
