I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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