just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
