guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
