Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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