It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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