If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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