...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
