i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
