areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize