he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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