I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
