Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
