Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
