she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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