apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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