I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
