Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
