Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
