so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
