I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
