At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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