I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
