So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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