he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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