the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
