I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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