just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
dude. I can hear the air.
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