we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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