Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
