Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
