____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
