She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
