It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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